All my life I've heard the word terrorism. I saw it on the news, I learned about it in school, I knew what it was. At least I thought I did. I knew the theory behind it, had a pretty good definition of it, and felt pretty secure in my understanding of it. Boy, was I wrong. Because you can't understand terrorism just theoretically or even from a couple (or a lot of) rocket attacks. I didn't understand what terrorism was until I was sitting on the 446 Egged bus to Jerusalem with Abby this morning. We were hoping to get away from boring little Sde Boker for a day, do the Jerusalem thing, hang out with Joey and friends but all that changed with 5 little words. "Bus bombing in Tel Aviv". It's one thing to hear about a bus bombing from the comfort of your own home and another thing entirely to hear it while sitting on a bus. Not a bus in Tel Aviv, but a bus nonetheless. We hardly had time to look up what happened before Sarah (our counselor and current "mother") called us giving is two options: 1. Go straight to the place we were staying in Jerusalem without taking public transportation and stay there, or 2. Get back on the bus going the opposite direction and come back to Sde Boker. Abby and I went to get a bagel and discussed our options and what we wanted to do. We eventually decided to get back on the 470 (a faster bus to/from Beer Sheva) and head back to Sde Boker to be with our group. All the while we're calling friends in Tel Aviv making sure they were all ok and continually checking the news to find out all we could about the incident.
There's a reason the word for this kind of thing is terrorism and not something else. It is meant to instill fear. It's meant to make you scared. Scared to take the bus, scared to go to school or work, scared to leave the comfort of your bed in the morning. It is supposed to disrupt your daily life in such a way that changes things. The definition of terrorism I always used in class was a violent attack on civilians (anything non-military) with the goal of affecting policy. But after today, I would have to add the element of fear. The word "terror" is the whole root of "terrorism", so why isn't the fear element a part of the definition? How much of terrorism is physical, and how much of it is psychological? Throughout all of Operation Pillar of Defense my friends and I have talked about the psychological aspect of this whole war. The IDF dropping leaflets in Gaza City telling civilians to stay away from known Hamas operatives or to leave their homes in preparation of a ground invasion that might not come. Hamas sending rocket after rocket after rocket, often in the middle of the night to disrupt daily life and sleep. This whole operation has been half physical, half psychological. To be entirely honest, I haven't been scared until today. I wasn't worried about rockets hitting Beer Sheva. I wasn't worried about being stuck in Israel, or spending a night or two in the bomb shelter. I was a tiny bit worried about my Israeli friends getting called up to the reserves and having to fight in this stupid operation, but that wasn't fear for myself that was fear for others. But today, I felt fear. I was worried. I didn't want to get on a bus, but I didn't want to be stuck more so I got back on a bus (well, 2 buses but same difference). Even though this attack didn't really disrupt my life much more than this whole Operation has, it was more than just an inconvenience and 42 shekels down the drain. It was a scary moment and one that I never wish to relive again.
In other news, I'm back in Sde Boker, moving down here for the semester even though I don't want to. Classes will start on Sunday with only some minor changes to the schedule to accommodate the week of missed classes. I don't know what we're doing for thanksgiving tomorrow but I know one thing I will be thankful for: the wonderful people I am going through this experience with. I wish I could be thankful for a cease fire and an end to this whole balagan. Maybe in the next 24 hours that will happen but I don't know what to think anymore.
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